Top Ten Things Not to Do in Divorce Court

Despite the best intentions of your divorce attorney, entering the court room for your divorce or custody hearing is a stressful experience. Getting ready for trial involves condensing documents and details of a relationship that could have spanned decades. Although a confidant and experienced attorney will definitely ease your way, you must bear in mind that courts do not only consider the documents presented but the behavior of the parties in court. Your attorney should spend time preparing you for your court experience, but consider the following helpful tips before your big day:

1.    Do dress as you would for a job interview.

Although the purpose of the divorce proceedings is to allow you to start your new life and perhaps meet a new partner, now is not the time to dress to that end. Keep your eye-catching and alluring outfits for a night out and dress quietly and professionally. Nor is it time to show off your new sense of freedom. Keep statement t-shirts, sweats and other comfy casual clothing for another time. You are trying to impress the court with your responsibility and reliability. You are also trying to show the court that you are taking the case and situation seriously.

2.    Don’t be rude to the judge and court staff.

Always call the judge “Your Honor” and be polite to everyone. Speak only when you are supposed to and do not speak out of turn. Do not come late. If you interrupt, argue, or show disrespect, it won’t do you any favors. Instead, you will appear disruptive and rude.

3.    Do keep dramatic facial expressions to a minimum.

Rolling your eyes, making shocked noises and otherwise indicating disagreement with things your ex or soon to be ex-spouse says is not impressive to a judge. Instead, it looks juvenile and immature. The court will not appreciate it. Instead, quietly listen and take note of any discrepancies and indicate them to your attorney.

4.    Do try to think of positive things to say about your spouse.

While the antagonistic nature of the proceedings may make it difficult, it is important to be able to answer without any long pause if you are asked to indicate anything positive about your spouse’s parenting or general behavior.  The paramount goal of any custody proceeding is the best interests of the child. It is in the best interests of the child for his parents to maintain basic civility and not bad mouth each other in front of him. If you are unable to articulate a single positive thing about your spouse, that makes it more likely that you will not encourage a healthy parent/child relationship between your spouse and your child. Stick to the facts and don’t make personal attacks. Judges appreciate a cooperative attitude focused on the child’s best interest.

5.    Don’t constantly and consistently refer to “my” child.

You created a child with your spouse, you cannot now act as if that child is no longer his or hers. This too is a red flag to the court, indicating that you intend to shut out the other parent.

6.    Do tell the truth. If you are caught lying it can really hurt your case.

Make sure that you disclose any and all possibly damaging or embarrassing information to your attorney as early as possible. If you are embarrassed to tell your attorney in the privacy of his or her office, how much worse will it be when it comes out without warning and in open court? The earlier you tell your attorney, the more time she will have to deal with that information.

7.    Don’t be openly hostile to your spouse’s attorney.

Nobody is asking you to go partying with him, but he is merely doing his job. Once again, it does not look mature, responsible or reliable to shoot daggers at a professional doing his job.

8.    Do leave the kids and a myriad of well-wishers and supporters at home.

Unless the court says otherwise, the stress of a trial is not good for children and isn’t usually necessary. Moreover, just as you would hesitate to share all the private details of your life during your marriage, you should not make a public display of broadcasting them at its end. If you need a support system, choose one or two people to sit quietly in the courtroom. Definitely do not gossip about the case in the court building. You never know who is listening.

9.    Do turn off all gadgets, including your phone and other devices.

You do not want the judge to see you texting during court or answering phone calls. This is absolutely taboo as it is disrespectful and distracting.

10.  Do listen to your attorney.

You hired them for their expertise. They know the ropes, so listen to them. Work closely with your lawyer in organizing all the various materials and familiarizing yourself with your case. Ignoring their advice or trying to wing it on your own can lead to big mistakes.

Facing a divorce or custody hearing is undoubtedly a daunting experience, but by following these tips, you can present yourself in the best possible light and avoid common pitfalls. Remember, your behavior in court is just as important as the documents and evidence you present. Dressing appropriately, showing respect, maintaining composure, and working closely with your attorney will demonstrate your maturity and commitment to the process. Ultimately, your goal is to achieve a fair and favorable outcome while minimizing stress and conflict. By staying calm, prepared, and respectful, you can navigate this challenging time with dignity and confidence.